As I type, I am sat watching the X Factor (under duress) with my other half.

Number of sob stories who have made it through tonight = 2

There is a pattern emerging to who has 'The X Factor'.

These individuals fall into 2 categories;

1, Those that Simon wants to slip his tail into.
2, The sob stories. Those who've applied because it was the dying wish of their Mother, Sister, still born baby etc.

It's a bit of giveaway when the sob stories are about to get through though, because the show kicks into a docu style run down of how they ended up at X Factor. "It was my wife's dying wish that I applied for the show" or "My Gran sent the applcation in on her death bed. It's my destiny"

Cheryl will start to cry on cue and once they've finished their rendition of 'Wind Beneath My Wings' she comments "I duv'ent naa hue ya've coped. She'd have been really prude of yee"

PART 2. I wrote the above last week and I'm once again sat watching the show (under duress) with my other half. We are now in some sun soaked Holiday resort and the chosen few are singing for a spot on the judge's teams. The groups, the girls and the boys, oh and who could forget the over 50's.

It's cringworthy stuff. Each individual act has a blub prior to singing. "I just don't want to fail. I promised me Ma I'd make something of me sen and this is my only chance!"

ERRRR NO IT'S FUCKING NOT.

Here's a novel idea, why don't you apply yourself to doing something constructive with your life and actually work towards it. I'd say your first chance was the 11 years of School you spent tossing it off. It's worthy of note that the ones who cry about how much they need to win, are generally unemployed and living in a bedsit infested with cockroaches.

That's the problem with it all. All these fucking losers want the bling lifestyle, fancy cars and money to burn, but rather than work for it, they expect to sing a few songs for Cowell and Co and have everything handed to them on a plate.

I think the show would be far more entertaining if the contestants had to fight animals to get through each stage.
Week one could be a wild dog, week two a baboon etc....
By the time you've got a handful left they would be taking on Grizzly Bears. Being torn limb from limb, happy days.

I'd wager that they'd soon stop worrying about singing when they were backed into a corner by a Silverback Gorilla.

Anyway, rant over, I'm off to post my application for next year. You've got to be in it to win it, right?