I came home from a climbing session on Saturday evening and found my other half engrossed in the X Factor.
In a kind of silent protest stylie, I proceeded to sit in my gaming chair in the corner of the room and emerse myself in my Playstation.
I did glance up at the T.V periodically to see what was going on and it became apparent that one of the contestants, the one who looks like a waiflike Harry Potter character, was blubbing her eyes out at the height of some emotional announcement. The crowd were on their feet applauding and the geordie judge Cheryl, "Chessa" to her mates, was blubbing too. To top it off, the dirtier looking Minogue sister was fighting back the tears un all.
I could only assume, from the levels of emotion being shown and the massive reception she was getting, that this weeks task was to cure a desiese and that Diane had indeed hit the jackpot and kicked Cancer into touch. Cheryl went on to say "I'M SO PRUDE OF YOUSE. AFTER THAT PERFORMANCE YOU DESERVE TO WIN IT AND YOU'VE MADE THIS COMPETITION COME ALIVE FOR US"
Not to be outdone, the next time I looked up,a buxome Spanish lass called Ruth, (is Ruth a Spanish name?) was also in floods of tears and again the panel including the lecherous Simon Cowell were all blubbing about whatever amazing feat she had done this week, presumably curing HIV.
I lost interest after that, but I've been checking the press and there haven't been any big announcements.
I'm tipping that the boy band J.I.S or whatever they are called, found a cure for the Flu and bagged the grey vote, blowing the competition out of the water. Pensioners fucking love their X Factor you know.
I'll let you know what happens with all this, watch this space.